Triangulation in the Workplace: Why You Shouldn’t Tolerate it and How to Cultivate a Culture of Candor
In the modern workplace, clear and direct communication is not just a nice-to-have; it’s a must-have because it is foundational to building trust, fostering collaboration, and driving innovation. Yet, one of the most common—and destructive—communication pitfalls organizations face is triangulation. At first glance, it may seem like an innocent way to avoid uncomfortable conversations, but in reality, triangulation slowly corrodes trust, undermines relationships, and creates a toxic work environment.
What is Triangulation?
Triangulation occurs when one person avoids directly addressing an issue with another and instead brings in a third party. Whether it’s gossiping to a colleague about a team member or involving management unnecessarily, triangulation distorts communication, intensifies conflict, and undermines the very fabric of trust.
Here’s the reality: Triangulation is a subtle form of manipulation. If you are a parent or caretaker of a child, you know exactly what triangulation looks like – when you say “no” to Jimmy’s request, he then goes to your spouse, partner, grandparent (or the like), and makes the same request, often trying to persuade to put pressure on you to say, “yes.”
The same thing happens in the workplace, Instead of working through challenges directly, it loops in a third party, distorting perceptions, fueling misunderstanding, and perpetuating drama. Over time, this behavior becomes corrosive, creating pockets of frustration and anxiety that spread like wildfire through the organization.
Why Zero Tolerance Is Essential
Triangulation is more than just poor communication. It’s manipulation at its finest and is a trust-killer. Without trust, collaboration disintegrates, innovation grinds to a halt, and organizational culture erodes. When we allow triangulation to persist, here’s what we’re actually inviting into our workplace:
- Team Disconnection: Nothing breaks down team cohesion faster than triangulation. The more people sidestep direct communication, the more fragmented and siloed teams become.
- Blocked Innovation: When people don’t feel safe speaking up or confronting issues head-on, creativity takes a back seat. Innovation thrives on open dialogue; triangulation stifles it.
- Escalated Conflict: What begins as a small misunderstanding can grow into a significant conflict if it’s not addressed directly. Triangulation fuels this escalation, spreading misinformation and distorting reality.
- Energy Drain: The emotional toll of working in an environment with triangulation is real. People expend enormous energy navigating indirect communication and second-guessing intentions instead of focusing on meaningful work.
A culture that allows triangulation to flourish is a culture built on shaky ground. To foster high-performing, collaborative teams, we must draw a clear line: no more triangulation.
How to Replace Triangulation with a Culture of Candor
So, how do we move away from indirect, harmful communication and toward a culture where honesty, clarity, and trust prevail? It starts with leadership and intentionality. Here are the steps to foster a culture of candor:
1. Clarify Your Standards for Communication
The first step in eliminating triangulation is establishing clear expectations around communication. Make it known that your organization values direct dialogue and respectful conflict resolution. When someone has a problem with a colleague, they need to address it directly with that person—not through a third party.
Set the standard.
A simple suggestion I use with coaching clients is to have them ask the person coming to them with a complaint about someone else, “If you have an issue, take it to the person involved first.”
2. Lead by Example
Candor begins at the top. As leaders, we have a responsibility to model the behaviors we want to see in our teams. This means having difficult conversations ourselves, being open to feedback, and demonstrating vulnerability when necessary. When leaders are candid and transparent, it sets the tone for the rest of the organization to follow.
If you, as a leader, are willing to engage in open, honest conversations—even when they’re hard—you’re giving your team permission to do the same.
3. Teach Direct Communication Skills
Not everyone is naturally comfortable with candor, and that’s okay. To build a culture of direct communication, we need to equip our teams with the skills to do so effectively. This includes training in conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, and constructive feedback. When people feel confident in their ability to handle difficult conversations, they’re more likely to step into them with courage rather than avoid them.
The goal isn’t to encourage brutal honesty, but rather thoughtful, compassionate candor that strengthens relationships and moves the organization forward.
4. Create a Safe Space for Dialogue
Psychological safety is the cornerstone of a candid culture. People need to feel that they can speak up, express concerns, and provide feedback without fear of retaliation. As leaders, we must intentionally create environments where honest conversations are encouraged and supported.
Regular feedback loops and open forums can provide spaces for these conversations to happen. Normalize speaking up and make it clear that difficult conversations are an essential part of growth—not something to be feared or avoided.
5. Practice Radical Candor
Candor is about speaking directly and respectfully. It’s about having the courage to offer honest feedback while also showing that you care deeply for the other person. When feedback is rooted in genuine care for the individual and the organization’s success, it’s not an attack—it’s an act of integrity.
As Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor, puts it: “Care personally, challenge directly.” By balancing these two principles, we foster an environment where feedback helps, rather than hurts.
At BSM Partners, we recently had a client (a senior leadership team of a Fortune 500 company), that was experiencing substantial “back channel” communication, and frequent episodes of triangulation. The leader was adept at not getting sucked into the drama, but the team continued below the leader’s level.
We partnered with the team to create a team charter. One of the commitments they made to each other was to no longer engage in or tolerate triangulation. Old habits are hard to break, so they also committed to provide feedback to each other when they witnessed an instance of triangulation. They practiced giving feedback to each other during monthly offsites. Over the course of a year, triangulation on the team dropped dramatically and the team members showed substantial increases in collaboration and open dialogue.
6. Provide Support for Tough Conversations
Some conversations are harder than others. When emotions run high or the stakes are significant, people may need extra support to engage in direct dialogue. Provide coaching or mediation services to help facilitate these more difficult exchanges. Having someone to guide the conversation ensures it stays productive and respectful.
By offering resources, you reinforce that addressing issues head-on is not only expected but also supported.
7. Reward Candid Behavior
If we want to change behaviors, we need to recognize and reward them. Celebrate the people who handle conflict directly, who speak up when it matters, and who provide thoughtful feedback. Over time, this will signal that candor is not just acceptable—it’s valued.
Back to the example above, at the beginning of each offsite, team members had the opportunity to celebrate their peers for using the communication tools and skills they learned in previous sessions.
When teams see that candid communication leads to better relationships and greater success, they’ll be more likely to embrace it as a core part of how they work.
Final Thoughts
Triangulation might seem like an easy way to avoid uncomfortable conversations, but in reality, it’s a slow-acting poison in the workplace. The more we allow indirect communication to take root, the more it undermines trust, collaboration, and performance. By creating a culture of candor—where open, direct communication is the norm—we replace dysfunction with clarity, courage, and connection.
Candor is the foundation of great leadership, great teams, and great organizations. The shift starts with us—choosing courage over comfort, transparency over avoidance, and trust over fear. When we do, we create a workplace where everyone can thrive.
