5 Ways To Find Joy In The Moment

Guest post by Joshua Molnar, MSW, LCSW.

In a recent Thrive Global article, Dr. Frank Niles shows readers how to embrace moments – those short, snippets of time that once gone can never be recovered – by asking themselves two questions: “What can I learn, and, what can I do?”

I am a therapist, so I every day I preach mindfulness, which is to experience each moment non- judgmentally as a way of promoting peace and finding joy.

I am also a human who finds himself missing turns on the way to work because I’m thinking about something else.

So often I am act mindless rather than mindful.

This is an indicator that I am not present in the moment.

Below are some techniques I use with clients when they are having difficulty engaging with the present moment. Try them out if you are feeling distracted, unfulfilled, or drifting away from what matters most to you.

Take Time for Reflection

Taking quiet time for yourself is a foundational habit that is necessary to thrive.

You must know how you are feeling in order to process your emotions and engage the moment.

Skills, such as mindfulness, visualization and healthy communication are just ideas unless there are deliberate moments where you work to incorporate them into your life.

Try This: Set an alarm and set aside 5-10 minutes each day and ask yourself: How am I feeling emotionally? How am I feeling physically? Is there anything that I am avoiding? What actions can I take to feel better?

Allow Yourself to Feel

Anxiety, anger, and sadness cause us to emotionally detach so that we do not feel pain. The problem is that this detachment also prevents us from having positive interactions.

Anxiety causes us to anticipate the possibility of bad outcomes in the future: What if I fail? What if I get sick?

Depression often comes from regret, guilt, and shame from things that happened in the past.

Anger is also often focused on hurt from the past.

When these emotions are not addressed, they will cause you to emotionally withdrawal and ruminate.

You also train your subconscious mind that avoidance rather than engagement is the way to get rid of unwanted feelings.

Try This: It is often worth considering doing the opposite of what you feel like doing.

Go to the party, when you feel like isolating. Go for a walk, when you feel like sleeping in.

Have a sincere conversation with a person you want to avoid because she hurt your feelings.

Be Compassionate To Yourself

Kirsten Neff’s work on self- compassion could be transformational for those who struggle with reliving the past.

Many of us are hostile in our self- talk in a way that we never would with somebody we love.

This keeps us in a negative cycle, where we anxiously rehash unwanted events and prolong the suffering.

Again, don’t suppress negative emotions- feel them and process them.I t may seem paradoxical, but feeling our emotions allows us to leave them behind quicker than avoidance.

So, the next time you mess up at work remind yourself that it is normal to fail. It is normal to feel isolated and comfort yourself like you would a good friend or your child.

Self- Compassion can also make you less dependent upon others, so that you can serve them. This allows freedom to do things that bring meaning and purpose.

Try This: It might seem strange at first, but the next time you are feeling down, put your hand on your heart and say out loud, “You’re really hurting,” or “you’re feeling sad.” Show yourself empathy and understanding.

Take Care of Your Body

We often ignore our bodies as an important component of our mental well-being. But, we are both body and mind.

We compromise our ability to learn and be fully present when we are lethargic, dehydrated, sleep-deprived or generally unhealthy.

It is so easy to quit taking care of yourself when times are busy and stressful. Pizza, hamburgers, alcohol, and coffee are comforting and they are okay (for most people) in moderation.

But don’t underestimate the long- term affects that comfort foods and missing workouts can have on being present.

The better you feel physically, the more you will feel focused, competent, and joyful.

Try this: Instead of saying, “I’m too busy to plan my meals, get a full night’s sleep or workout.” Change your self-talk to say, “I am so busy I better eat healthily, get a workout in and get some sleep.”

Some more tips…

Here are some practices that you can use when you notice that you’re not engaging the moment. Finding ways to combine all of these skills can make them useful.

Breathe- Close your eyes, take a deep breath to the count of 4, hold for 1 second and then breath out for the count of 4

Muscle Relaxation – Being in tune with your body is key. Start here: Flex your biceps for four seconds, then relax them. Now your abs. Now your quads, now your calves, move back up and pull your shoulders to your ears, flex your face muscles and relax.

Repeat an Affirmation- “I can handle this.” “Have faith” “Believe in Yourself”

Talk to Yourself– This can feel strange, but processing your emotions out loud, in the mirror or while driving can really help

Use your Senses -Time yourself for two minutes. Notice what you see, taste, feel (physically), hear and smell. Try to describe them out loud.

Gratitude Journal– Our minds are wired to see threats. Intentionally noticing good things elicited gratitude limits anxiety and can help you to enjoy the moment. Write them down. Reflect on them frequently.

Using the skills discussed above will help you to fully embrace each moment. They will also help you to find joy.

Because after all, life is a series of moments.

All photos are courtesy of Unsplash.